


Bullet, You're Safe Now

by AshaHawke



Category: The Killing
Genre: Adoption, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempted Murder, Bathing/Washing, Canon Lesbian Character, Comfort/Angst, Crime Scenes, Detectives, Domestic Bliss, F/F, Fix-It, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Relationships, Homelessness, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Smut, Kallie Leeds Lives, Kidnapping, Lesbian Sex, Love Confessions, Minor Injuries, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Violence, Police, Post-Canon Fix-It, Rachel "Bullet" Olmstead Lives, Rape Recovery, Rescue, Season 3, Seattle, Serious Injuries, Teenagers, The Killing - Freeform, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:54:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22016707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshaHawke/pseuds/AshaHawke
Summary: An alternate plot diverging from S3E9 of "The Killing." After suffering a long captivity and barely escaping with her life, Kallie is on the run to the nearest help she can find. On her way she witnesses the killer kidnap Bullet from the diner, stuff her into his car trunk and drive off. She helps Linden and Holder save Bullet just in time, the case is closed, Ray Seward is pardoned, Kallie's mom adopts Bullet, and Kallie confesses she’s been in love with Bullet all along.
Relationships: Kallie Leeds & Rachel "Bullet" Olmstead, Stephen Holder/Sarah Linden
Comments: 18
Kudos: 59





	1. Chapter 1

Kallie raced through the Seattle streets, lungs on fire, her whole body in pain, not caring as her sneakers splashed muddy puddle water all over. She had to find a phone, or a place to run inside, a place where she could call 911 and get help before the killer tracked her back down again. It had been sheer dumb luck that she’d escaped from the bunker in the woods the killer had stashed her in. She’d been there for days, or weeks, so long she’d lost track of time, as he’d visited her each night and told her she was different, she was special, that he would keep her around longer than he’s ever kept the rest, but that when he did kill her he’d be more brutal than he ever had, that--

She slowed down. A diner loomed up ahead, dark inside and in the parking lot, save for its flickering neon light. But a car sat motionless. A familiar car. HIS CAR. Kallie froze with a jolt of terror. He would see her. He would take her away again. He would--

Her abductor stepped out from the alley next to the diner. He hadn’t been in his car. He’d been standing behind a dumpster, lurking, waiting. But not for her. He’d found another victim. Kallie watched from hiding with a sickening helplessness as he chased down a girl walking away from the diner, who had almost invisibly blended into the shadows. The killer shoved a knife against the girl’s throat, twisted her into a griplock and steered her toward the trunk of his car. The girl struggled and screamed. A small girl, with a short crop of black hair, and a voice all too familiar--Bullet. Kallie’s eyes flooded with tears and she used all her willpower to keep from screaming as the killer forced Bullet into the trunk and slammed it shut, silencing her screams. He clambered into the driver’s seat and sped away, eyes fixed on the road.

Bullet. Bullet, her best and only true friend, would face the same fate Kallie almost did, the same fate as all those other girls, unless Kallie saved her in time. She raced behind the car. It gained on her and disappeared, but not before she caught a glimpse of the license plate. She repeated the numbers and letters out loud and seared it into her brain as she raced across the parking lot, smashed a diner window open with both fists, and scrambled into the restaurant, toward the phone.

Her fingers shook as she called 911. “Seattle police, what’s your emergency?”

“It’s the killer.” Kallie couldn’t quiet her sobs anymore. “The one who got all those girls. He kidnapped another one, just now, my friend, and he’s gonna kill her. You have to stop him, hurry, please!” Kallie fought to keep her voice stable as she told the dispatcher the license plate and car description, the diner’s address, and the street the killer had driven down, as well as her own identity. “He has my best friend in his trunk. He’ll kill her if it’s too late. Please, find her on time, save her, please.”

***

"You've reached Detective Stephen Holder. Leave a message." As the lonely beep echoed from her cellphone, Bullet stared down at her trembling hands. She fiddled with her necklace to try and stop the shivering. Despite the empty diner, the menu she'd asked for five minutes ago still hadn't come. She stared down at her hands again and sighed. She was just some nobody, nothing kid--Holder had said the words himself. 

Holder hated her. Not like she hadn’t brought it on herself--but c’mon, she knew who the killer was! She fidgeted while typing a text to Holder. "I know who he is. Call me back!" No response came. Probably wouldn't, now that she had fucked up. Now that Holder had told her he didn't give a shit about her, that she was nothing, that he'd bury her so deep in the foster care system she'd never find her way out. 

Not since Lyric had blown her off with that look of both pity and disgust. Bullet felt a sudden heaviness in her chest and a sting in her eyes as she thought of Lyric. That night on the bed, those words Lyric had whispered-- _ you don’t have to be tough all the time, I know you think I never see you but I do-- _ with her gentle kisses and touches that made Bullet feel loved for the first real time in her life. And less than two nights later, Lyric’s voice again but cold now,  _ Find you? I don’t belong to you. I’m with Twitch. I’m not gay, you know?  _ Lyric had seen Bullet, had known her, but then shoved her away because at her deepest layer of being, Bullet had never been good enough for anyone to want or love.

The lone waitress strolled out from behind the counter and hung the Closed sign on the window. She locked up the doors and strode toward Bullet, cleaning supplies in hand. “We’re closed.”

Bullet flinched and crossed her arms. “But you said you’d bring me a menu--”

“I said that ten minutes ago, but now we’re closed.” The waitress sighed and rolled her eyes. “Look, I know you got nowhere to go, but you can’t loiter around in here. It’s not our problem, okay?  _ Go.” _

Bullet felt a dull pain in her chest. No one cared about her. No one gave a fuck about her, they just saw her as grime on the floor to be tossed out with the trash. She shoved herself up out of her chair and grabbed her backpack, running toward the door so the waitress couldn’t see the tears on her face. “Go to hell!”

Outside the diner was deserted. Bullet ran out into the parking lot and stared into the dark void of night. The cold was worse than usual, and it’d started to rain. Cold water soaked through her layers of clothing. She had a few go-to spots for those nights she had to sleep outside, but only in decent weather. Now she had nowhere to sleep, nowhere that wouldn’t be wet and cold. Warm silent tears coursed down her face before the chilly air drained the heat away. She shivered and stared at the filthy ground as the waitress closed up and drove away, leaving Bullet utterly alone. 

First her family had shunned her and kicked her out of the house because her mother refused to have  _ some degenerate dyke _ as a daughter. Then, Kallie had vanished. Kallie, her best friend, her rock, the only person she could ever trust or confide in, now taken and probably dead. Just one day after Kallie’s disappearance came that brutal rape. Goldie had pressed his knife against her throat, had ripped her clothes off and slammed and pinned her down in every horrible position imaginable, had only gotten more violent when she broke and sobbed, had torn her so deeply she’d needed a whole roll of paper towels the next morning to clean up the blood in pain and ashamed in that grimy public restroom. Goldie had mocked her the entire time, had snarled words that cut and shamed the core of her being, had made her want to die. Then she’d seen all those dead bodies in the water, and all that blood in the concrete pipe, and she’d listened to the cops talk about giving up on Kallie, and the moment she’d thought she’d had some comfort in Lyric’s arms, with Lyric’s love to match her own, it all was ripped away. Just like Holder had told her, no one gave a shit about her and no one ever would. Bullet wiped her eyes and wiped her nose on her sleeve, trying to stop from shaking. 

Headlight beams shone onto her. Bullet whirled around. A car sat waiting, engine purring, the only car in the parking lot. The only person around. At the same time, she felt her phone beep its warning signal. Her battery was dead. Bullet’s heart began to pound. Sweat broke out on her skin. She sprinted away but--

An arm wrapped around her neck. A knife pressed against her throat. She’d been gripped from behind, locked into a hold she couldn’t escape.

_ Not again. No. Please, no. no. Please _ . Bullet remembered Goldie’s force and pain, how the physical pain had seared into her for days, how the emotional pain had almost driven her to heroin, how she couldn’t go through another one, not after everything, not after--

“Little worthless bitch. Hold still or I’ll stab you in the gut.”

Bullet jabbed an elbow into his face. Then his arm grabbed her own, and twisted it, and she felt the snapping of her wrist. She screamed in pain, thrashing, kicking, cursing, feeling herself drift out of her body as her captor dragged her toward the car.

This was the killer. And she was his next victim. The thought felt hazy and unreal in her mind as her body hit the trunk and it slammed shut on her, leaving her in darkness, leaving her alone to scream and sob as the car revved up and sped away.


	2. Chapter 2

The car screeched to a halt. Bullet heard the driver’s door open and slam shut, then heavy footsteps thudded toward the trunk. Bullet held her breath and crammed herself into the furthest corner she could, pressing herself to the back of the trunk, instinctively trying to get away. 

The trunk latch opened and darkness streamed through, darkness and rain and cold. The smell of the forest and algae swamp -- this was the dumping ground. The place where he killed all those girls, where they’d found all those pink bags just the other day. And soon she’d be one of them.

She tried to run. It did no good. His meaty hand grabbed her by the neck, and the other by her broken wrist, and he hauled her from the trunk and slammed it shut and threw her down over the car and--

A pummeling of blows and bruises and she tried to fight back but he snapped her other wrist just like the first and--

More hits to the head until she could barely think and the whole world began to spin and--

Blood as he kept on beating and the bruises broke open and her blood wouldn’t stop and--

Fingers against her throat, squeezing, pressing til she almost blacked out and--

And she knew she would die here. She tried to think of the happy times. Laughing with her friends at the Beacon, and the one night she’d got to sleep with Lyric, and roaming around having fun with Kallie--

Kallie who had died. Because of her. Because she had failed her. Some tough girl she was. Couldn’t save those girls, couldn’t save Kallie, in the end she couldn’t even save herself. Holder’d been right. Just like her parents when they’d kicked her out, and the foster family that abused her, and Lyric when she’d blown her off. She was just some nobody nothing kid and when she died, no one would bother holding a funeral. No one would even care. Probably wouldn’t even find her body or even bother looking.

“You fucking nosy rat bitch, you wouldn’t be here if you’d stayed out of my goddamn business--”

She knew the voice, it was from the cop station, the voice of who Angie had told her about, who she’d tried to tell Holder--

“And now I’m gonna kill you. I’m gonna see that look in your eye, first the terror and then the pain and then just that animal stare, there’s nothing like it, nothing in the world, I’ve killed dozens of girls and it’s been extra fun killing you--”

He flipped her over and grabbed her chin, forcing her to look at him.

“But before I kill you, I’m gonna take care of this first.”

Then the ripping of clothes, the cold air and rain against her newly bare skin and--

And it hurt the same as how Goldie had done it, but worse this time, sharper, deeper, and for longer, and cold blood ran down her legs and--

More blood, it wouldn’t stop, more and more blood and--

The forest and pond sounds ebbed and flowed with the darkness of pure nothing, as her consciousness came and went.

She awoke on the forest floor. Curled up, surrounded by leaves. The stench of blood everywhere. Blood on her thighs, blood on her head, blood in her neck--he had cut her throat--and now his hands were on her neck, squeezing, and still she thrashed and fought, kicking, twisting, shielding her face and neck with her arms and wrists--

Then Bullet was on her back with her arms crossed over her throat and face, as he sliced her arms with a knife, the knife that would soon be at her face and neck, would slice her head off or close to it just like all those other girls, and she couldn’t stop it, she couldn’t get away or--

And then a gunshot. 

The slump of his body falling over. 

Then silence. Footsteps. The faraway sounds of frogs in the pond and the rain against the trees. And cold, so much cold, she couldn’t stop shaking. She felt like a layer of ice had encased her skin. The scent of her blood overwhelmed her. So much blood, so much cold. She struggled to breathe.

A heavy blanket wrapped around Bullet’s body. A warm hand touched her shoulder. The world spun around her, buzzing in her ears.

“Bullet. It’s Detective Linden.” The voice was calm and warm, stable and familiar. “You’re all right. He’s gone.”

Bullet blinked and opened her eyes. She felt a salty sting. Blood in her eyes. She tried to talk but just a mangled sound came out. The world kept spinning around her as she took labored breaths for air. Her neck hurt. Everything hurt, everywhere in her body flooded with pain.

“Bullet. It’s me, Linden. You’re safe now. There’s backup coming and an ambulance.”

Bullet lifted her head and tried to stop from shaking or crying. Linden watched her with calm concern, relief and badly masked pity. She carefully reached out to stroke Bullet’s greasy, bloodied hair. 

“Your neck has some bad cuts. Let’s just stop the bleeding here.” Linden used the top corner of the blanket to gently press against the wounds. “Help is coming. I know you’re hurt but you’re going to be okay. Just stay awake, okay? Stay with me.”

Bullet couldn’t talk, but she could move a bit. She moved her hands and arms out of the blanket and shakily touched Linden’s arm.

Linden sharply inhaled and used the blanket to stop the bleeding on her arms the same as her neck. “Two broken wrists. That’s gotta hurt. Don’t worry, you’ll be at a hospital soon.”

More footsteps came as Holder ran into the clearing. “Yo Linden, he’s dead?”

“Yeah.” Linden pressed the blanket more firmly against Bullet’s bleeding neck.

“And it was SKINNER?” Holder sounded shocked as he stared down at the body. “He killed all those other girls, too?”

Yes, Bullet wanted to say. Angie told me. I tried to call you. I called more than twenty times at that diner and I texted you a bunch, why didn’t you answer? But she couldn’t speak.

“We got more evidence for that,” Linden said. “Now’s not the time. We’ll talk the case when Bullet’s in the E.R.”

Holder crouched down next to Bullet. “Goddamn. She gonna be okay?”

“Ambulance is on its way,” Linden said. “Not sure if ‘okay’ is the word I’d use now, but I think she’s gonna live.”

Holder ruffled Bullet’s hair. “‘Course she’ll live. She’s Bullet. She’s a survivor. I’m sorry, B, I should’ve picked up the phone.”

Ambulance sirens cut into the silence, and got louder as they neared. 

“That’s for you, sweetheart.” Linden’s voice was calm and comforting. “Just hang in there. Don’t fall asleep. Don’t close your eyes. No, come on, look at me.”

Bullet tried to keep her blurry gaze on Holder and Linden. Black spots clouded her vision and she realized she was blacking out again, and she felt so tired, and just wanted to curl up and let her eyes slip shut, there was so much blood, and she was freezing, so cold, too cold, and the dead wet leaves could almost be a nice blanket, a place to curl into--

“Yo Bullet.” Holder put a hand on her shoulder. “Guess who helped us find you? Guess who’s in the car now? Kid, you gotta see this. I’m gonna get her.”

Linden looked up. “Holder, no. This is a crime scene, she needs to stay in the car.”

“And Bullet needs to live,” retorted Holder as his steps retreated to his patrol car. When he returned a moment later, another person was with him. Bullet couldn’t see much through all the blood and tears, through the increasing haziness of her vision, but she could see a girl--and long red hair and--

“Oh my God. B.” Relief and concern flooded the voice, that sweet voice that could only be one person, the voice Bullet had played in her head every day since she’d disappeared. Bullet felt more tears. She felt warmth inside her chest. Kallie had lived. Kallie had come. Kallie had come to save her in the end. 

Kallie’s soft hands reached to embrace Bullet before Linden pushed her away. “Careful! She’s badly hurt, don’t touch her wounds.”

Kallie’s fingers stroked through Bullet’s bloodied hair as the ambulance pulled up to the road outside the wooded area. Bullet savored her best friend’s touch until the paramedics arrived with the stretcher. 

“We’ll ride to the hospital with her,” Linden said. “Have Reddick take the squad car.”

Linden, Holder and Kallie followed as Bullet was loaded into the ambulance and it sped off.


	3. Chapter 3

Holder paced back and forth in the emergency waiting lobby. Linden fumbled with the vending machine and pulled her can of espresso coffee from the dispenser.

Holder glanced at her. “Yo 900, hook me up with some pork rinds?”

Linden bought the bag and tossed it to him. “You owe me a cig next time we’re outside. I need it after dealing with those statements.”

Holder ripped open the bag and started scarfing the rinds. “Seward’s attorney texted you back yet?" 

"Yeah," said Linden as she snapped open her coffee. "Said our work was enough to get him a stay of execution. Once the court has time to review everything he should be pardoned no problem.”

“Good." Holder leaned against the vending machine and breathed a sigh of relief. "Poor man better be getting the payoff of his life for all that time he had to waste. I mean, it's not like he landed there all by himself.”

Linden swiped the pork rinds out of Holder’s hand. “Give me those.”

“Um. Hey.” Holder and Linden turned to see Danette Leeds standing in the doorway.

“Sorry I freaked out on you when I got here,” Danette said. “I--just--was in such a panic about finding Kallie, and when I heard she was here I just--I know I went beserk, I...I need to say I’m sorry and also, thank you. For everything. If I could pay you a million bucks I would, but I’m just some broke hairdresser so…” she sniffed and wiped her snot on her sleeve. “So, thanks.”

Holder nodded. “Hey, moms, no problem. How’s Kallie?”

“She’s still being checked out by the nurses.” Danette fidgeted with her bracelets and took a step closer. “So, um. I need to talk some logistics. I want to help Bullet.”

Linden nodded. “We couldn't have saved her life tonight without your daughter's help. And, Bullet’s done a lot for us to help find Kallie too. She risked her own life plenty of times.” The words she didn’t say - _she’s done a lot more for her than you_ \- hung in the air.

Danette bit her lip. “I know. And that’s why I need to make things right. Look, I know you’ll want to blow me off, but just hear me out. Please.”

Holder and Linden waited.

“I want to let her live with me,” Danette said. “Hold on, I know what you’re thinking--batshit crazy deadbeat trailer trash unfit mother, how dare I even suggest it. And I get it. But the hospital won’t let her just go back on the streets without a guardian. And her parents don’t want her, not like she’d ever let that happen anyways, and Kallie told me enough about what those religious foster fucks did to her that I know the poor girl will never set foot in a foster home again, or if she does she’ll end up in juvie or back on the street. And I know I’m not June Cleaver, but the kid doesn’t need to be babysat, does she? She’s sixteen, she takes care of herself. She just needs a safe place to stay. And I want to give her that - for my conscience, and...and for my daughter. For Kallie. Please.”

Holder and Linden exchanged glances. Holder smiled.

“I wouldn’t put up a fight about that,” Holder said. “Problem is, it’s not our decision. The hospital will be contacting social services no doubt, and--”

“I’ll speak to them,” Danette said. “I have a decent idea of how they work--grew up in foster homes myself, and plenty of shitty ones, might I add.”

“I get it,” Sarah said. As much as she’d seethed with rage at Danette’s indifference and neglect, she could also see Danette had changed enough to not be as bad as before. And, even if Linden did hate Danette, she couldn’t deny that a home shared with Kallie would be the best place for Bullet to heal. “Like Holder said, we don’t get to make that call - once the hospital involves child services, it’s in their court. But here’s what I can tell you. Finding foster homes is hard. There’s not enough families, not enough homes, and not enough resources to be too picky. Especially not for some rough punk teenager who’s about to age out and has a parole officer for getting in street fights.”

“Foster parents all just want the easy little ones,” Danette said sadly. “They don’t care about the girls like her. But we do. I know you care about her, and I do too, and Kallie...well, it’s a different type of love for Kallie, but I think we all know that, don’t we?”

Holder quirked an eyebrow and smirked. “I’ll vouch for you to social services. We’ll say Ms. Danette Leeds is the best mama around.”

“It’s not for you,” Linden said. “It’s for Bullet.”

Danette smiled and her eyes brimmed with tears. “Thank you for saving my daughter.”

***

Holder, Linden, the social worker, Danette and Kallie sat crammed into plastic chairs as the doctor sat across from them outside the Intensive Care Unit. Danette’s fingers shook as she clutched the forms signed by Bullet and the social worker authorizing them to hear about Bullet’s condition.

“She’s still in bad shape,” the doctor said as she scanned the medical and forensic notes. “Moderate and severe internal bleeding and organ damage from being beaten, thrown, slammed repeatedly against the car; damage to neck and throat from the knife wounds; torn muscle and lacerations from sexual assault; concussion; both wrists broken; broken nose, broken jaw, lots of cuts and lacerations on her arms and the rest of her body; and lots, and lots, of blood loss. A critical amount of blood.”

Everyone exchanged glances in silence.

“But...she’s gonna live.” Kallie’s voice wavered. “Right?”

“So far she’s been stabilized,” the doctor said. “Her injuries are still dangerous and critical, especially the internal bleeding and organ damage. But she’s stable now, and that’s a good sign. She’s under 24/7 supervision in the ICU and as long as nothing crashes, she has a good shot at pulling through. The brain scan looked good--probably no permanent damage there--so once she heals up, if nothing goes south, she should be able to resume normal functioning.” She looked up from her notes. “But she can’t go home for a while. She’ll need to be here a long time.”

“Speaking of home,” said the social worker, “Ms. Leeds and I have to finish up some paperwork to settle the guardianship arrangement. I’m assuming you’re still....”

“Yes.” Danette’s voice was sharp. “I told you all, Bullet has a home with me. I’m not going back on that. Last thing this girl needs is for everyone to fail her again.”

“I want to see her,” Kallie said as her mother and the social worker left. “When can she have visitors?”

“I have to check with the nurses,” the doctor said. “Make sure she’s cleared for that. I assume you two will want to question her about the case, Detectives....”

“Holder.” Holder stood up and shook the doctor’s hand. “Yeah. Got to ask her some questions, record her testimony. And find me the folks who did the forensics on her, I need to get the details from them to prove this mess with Skinner--”

“Linden, and my phone’s blowing up with texts from the police station,” Linden said. “They got Skinner's body out of the woods. And now I’m hearing back from the judge and we have some new steps for Ray, and the stay of execution and his pardoning--”

“We gotta jet,” Holder said to the horrified doctor. “Kallie, go get some food or something. You can go see Bullet when we’re done.”


	4. Chapter 4

“You can go see her now,” said one of the two nurses as they both exited the room. “She was exhausted the whole time, so she might be sleeping, but she wants to see you.”

“Thanks.” Kallie smiled and slipped through the door as the nurses left. “Hey, B.”

Bullet lay in her hospital bed propped up with extra pillows, eyes closed, both arms resting in thick casts from where Skinner had broken her wrists. A light blue robe and lots of white sheets covered most of her body except her head and arms. Bruises and cuts covered all the skin Kallie could see. Bandages covered her neck and arms where Skinner had slashed at her with the knife. Bullet’s skin was paler than it should have been, and thinner, from food and sleep deprivation and too much blood loss. 

Bullet cracked open one eye. “Hey.” Her voice was hoarse and so soft Kallie could barely hear it.

Kallie smiled at her as a sudden lump grew in her throat. She swallowed it down to stop herself from crying as she carefully, gently climbed to lie down next to Bullet on the edge of her bed. “Is this okay?”

Bullet nodded. Kallie nuzzled in closer to Bullet and rested her head against the side of Bullet’s face, with her arms cradled around her and her long red hair draped across the top of Bullet’s body. 

“Just in case you need some extra help staying warm,” Kallie whispered. 

Bullet pressed her head against Kallie’s. “Sorry I can’t hug you back.”

“Don’t be sorry.” Kallie found an uninjured spot on Bullet’s neck and kissed it. “I’ll stay here a long time and cuddle you ‘til you’re sick of it. You kept me alive, you know.” She glanced up at Bullet’s dark blue eyes. 

“You kept me alive,” Bullet said as she let her expression soften just slightly. “The whole time, these past three years.”

Kallie tightened her hug on Bullet and breathed in her scent. She smelled like a mixture of medical chemicals, hospital soap and hints of fresh blood. 

“Hey B, guess what.” Kallie kissed the top of Bullet’s matted black hair. It had been washed, but badly, and the style was all messed up. Kallie would bring her hair stuff next time and fix Bullet’s hair again the way she liked it. “Um, so they said you’ll be here a while--”

Bullet’s body stiffened in Kallie’s embrace. Kallie caressed both shoulders with her hands, massaging the tension away.

“But when you get out,” Kallie said, “you won’t be back on the streets. You’ll be with me. My mom had, like, an epiphany about how she was a shit mom my whole life and she has to make up for it now, so she’s letting you stay. She said something about getting an air mattress at Walmart to put in my room, but I told her not to bother ‘cause you can just sleep in my bed. I mean, air mattresses suck. And I know it’s a twin bed in a tiny bedroom in a trailer, but like...you don’t mind being cozy with me, right?” Kallie knew she was rambling but she didn’t care, and the words came out faster and faster. “I mean, it’s totally your choice, and if that’d be too awkward we can totally get the air mattress after all but um--if you’re up for it, I--” _fuck, Kallie, you sound like an idiot, just come on and say it_ \--”I love you, Bullet. I’ve been in love with you since like, the day I met you. But it took me a while to realize I’m not straight, and by the time my dumb ass figured it out you were all in love with Lyric, but she told me what happened and this is probaby not right of me, fuck, this is way too soon and I know you’re still hurt over that--God B, I’m sorry, you just went through everything and now I’m pouring this all on you--”

Bullet made a soft keening noise. She didn’t respond and just took deep, heavy breaths. Kallie traced a hand from Bullet’s shoulder to her face. She felt hot tears that spilled out despite Bullet’s obvious struggle to hide them.

“Hey. It’s okay.” Kallie whispered as soothingly as she could as she moved her face toward Bullet’s. She kissed the tip of Bullet’s bruised nose as she wiped the tears from her face, then kissed both her eyebrows. “You can cry with me. I know it doesn’t make you any less tough or strong. Here, let me hold you tighter like this. You’re good, you’re okay. You’re okay. I’ve always had total faith in you and I love you so, so much.”

Bullet leaned up and kissed Kallie’s lips. “I love you too.” Another wave of tears stopped her from saying any more.

Kallie hugged Bullet and rocked her back and forth until Bullet’s tears were dried and her body relaxed, finally safe and at peace.

***

Bullet balanced her plate of pizza and two energy drinks as she made her way to the tiny outdoor table. “Where’s Linden?”

“Getting a new suit at Versace.” Holder reached for the plate and lifted a slice off the top of the stack. “Bull-let, you were supposed to get extra pineapple. COLD pineapple. C’mon, man.”

“Shut up.” Bullet cracked open the energy drinks and slid Holder’s across the table. “Their stingy asses were out, but they did have your favorite rabbit juice.”

“You got him one and not me?” Linden feigned offense as she hung up her flip phone and sat down. “I’m the one who needs one after this new case I--”

“I got you better.” Bullet gave Linden a proud grin as she brandished a pack of cigarettes from her leather jacket pocket. “Swiped these for you from Danette’s new asshole boyfriend. This brand’s the good stuff. The North Star deserves it.”

“You’re so sweet.” Linden shook her head as she gratefully lit up. “But I was hoping all that time in the hospital would maybe wean you off cigs. They say it’s best to quit cold turkey.”

“Whatever - like you’re quitting.” Bullet lit her own cig off the spark from Linden’s. “And hey, I’ve been out for a month now. Got all my shit together. Aced my GED--got legally emancipated --got this scholarship for transient youth--and now I’m at Seattle Community College doing their vet tech program. Got a job too--it’s just cleaning out the dog puke from the vet clinic after hours, but it fits my resume and pays.”

Linden studied Bullet and smiled warmly. “That’s great. I’m really glad to hear that.”

“Yeah, I’m gonna get straight A’s and then transfer to a bachelor’s degree,” Bullet said before reaching for more pizza. “Then start grad school before I’m 21 and become Doctor Vet and like, buy a nice condo with Kallie and shit. Planned it all out with my campus advisor.”

Linden felt a rare warmth flicker through her, like when Jack sent her a Mother’s Day text letting her know things were cool. As much as she hated her job sometimes, she lived it for the moments like helping this girl stay alive. She kept the sudden wave of emotion to herself as she finished her cigarette. 

“I always knew you would do it,” Linden said. “When you’ve got that mansion, invite Holder and I to some dinner parties.”

“Sure thing,” Bullet said. 

“So…” Holder cracked his knuckles and leaned in. “How’s your little Mamacita? It’s true what they say about redheads, huh?”

Linden shot him a disapproving glance. “Holder.”

“Nah, man, it’s fine.” Bullet laughed. She and Kallie had so far just made out, but her lack of ideal prowess was none of the detectives’ business. “My girl and I are up to just as much as you two are, not that I wanna know about that--”

“Oh, but there’s so much to know,” Holder bragged. “You’re like, snubbing knowledge from Einstein up in here, the Einstein of sweet redhead love--”

_“Holder.”_ Linden’s voice was loud and stern this time. 

“My bad, my bad.” Holder shrugged as he picked the pineapple off Linden’s pizza slice. “I’m just sayin’.”

“Kallie’s real good,” Bullet said. “She got her GED too and now she’s in cosmetology school. She’s good at doing hair, like her mom, but she wants to get a job at a salon that pays decent and then maybe open her own place someday.”

“That’s really good,” Linden said with a nod. “It’s important to have jobs, save up money, plan for a good future so you can be secure.”

“I’ve got that handled,” Bullet said. “Yo, tonight’s my month anniversary of being outta the hospital. Kallie’s got me some kind of surprise present or something--she texted me we’re gonna celebrate.”

***

The trailer lights were off when Bullet got home, and Danette’s car was gone. Bullet unlocked the door, flicked the light on and slipped off her heavy boots. She was hungry for dinner again, or at least a quick snack, but some comfy PJ’s first would make it so much better. She’d gotten used to sleeping outside under muddy park bushes, fully dressed in her boots and jeans and layers of every sports bra and flannel shirt she owned, but now she could hardly relax without changing into one of Kallie’s baggy nightgowns and fuzzy long socks.

“Hey, B.” Kallie’s voice was soft and mischievous as she cracked her bedroom door open. “Mom just left to go hook up with some new online dating douche….she won’t be back til tomorrow.”

“Oh. Hey.” Bullet felt a cozy warmth in her chest. “I didn’t know you were home. How come all the lights are--”

Kallie opened the door the rest of the way. She wore a new robe Bullet hadn’t seen before. This one wasn’t fuzzy or cotton like all the others in the back of her closet. It was a deep red silk material with a sash tie around the waist and a low V-neck. Kallie’s feet were bare, with dark red nail polish to match the robe. Her long red hair hung loose and flowed around her body. She’d set up a row of candles across the top of the dresser that flickered invitingly, creating a warm soft glow.

“My grandma sent me some money,” Kallie said. “As like, a reward for surviving and doing school and all that. So I bought this, and the candles, and this really luxurious spa soap that my mom will probably steal later. I was hoping maybe, like....” a blush bloomed across her face as she asked, hopefully, “Do you wanna take a shower with me?”

Bullet grinned and stepped forward. Her heart raced and her hands broke out in sweat, but in a good way. This felt like the night on the bed with Lyric, but real. This love was safe, and stable, and Kallie wouldn’t hurt her. This felt like how it should have been all along--like the universe had finally aligned, like Bullet belonged exactly in this moment. All that time until now, hiding who she was at her parents’ house and then hiding from violence on the streets and hiding her own feelings from herself, staying detached, staying numb for safety--all that melted away. She could feel now. She could seize this moment. She could stop numbing and masking and just let herself live.

“Of course I want to.” Bullet let her smile take up her whole face as she stepped forward and slid her hands up the sides of Kallie’s body. “My god, you’re so beautiful.”

Kallie kissed Bullet, then pulled away, looking more serious for a moment. “Just so you know...when we were at the hospital, after what happened, I had them test me for STDs. They all came back negative--I mean, I don’t have any, ‘cause I always used protection--and I haven’t hooked at all since. That stuff’s too dangerous--I’m done with it for good. So, like, I’m safe...you know?”

“Yeah.” Bullet kissed Kallie’s ear and breathed hot air against the delicate skin. “I got that stuff done too and same, mine’s okay.”

“It’s good to make sure,” Kallie said. “We have to be like...responsible adults now.”

“Hey Kallie?” Bullet asked.

“Yes, my love.”

Bullet felt a blush across her cheeks. She could get used to feeling loved every day. “I, um. I don’t want to sleep with anyone but you. You’re the only one for me.”

“Same here.” Kallie took Bullet’s hands and steered her into the tiny bathroom. More candles flickered on the counter and gave off a cinnamon smell. “May I...is it okay if I take this off you?”

“Mm.” Bullet lowered her head and stepped forward, closing her eyes in bliss. 

“Is that a yes?” asked Kallie as her fingers trailed down Bullet’s abdomen and rested at her belt buckle. “I’ll kiss all your scars if you let me.”

“Yeah.” Bullet savored Kallie’s touch and relaxed in total bliss as Kallie slid her clothes off. Before the undershorts and sports bra came off, Bullet undid Kallie’s sash and let the red silky robe slide to the floor.

Bullet’s heart pounded so hard that everything felt surreal as they explored each other’s bodies, clutched onto each other, trembled and shook in each other’s arms, gently washed each other with the body scrub and shampooed each other’s hair, then did everything again and again, until the water was freezing and they shivered under its chill. Kallie had kissed her scars as promised, and everywhere else, more times than Bullet could count. Bullet had returned the favor in spades, but still not as much as she could, as much as she wanted. She would finish this job for the rest of the fucking night.

Bullet turned the water off and wrapped one thick towel around them both. “You wanna get warmed up some more in your bed?”

Kallie leaned against Bullet under the towel. She nudged her foot against Bullet and touched their toes. “Of course.”


End file.
